how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
