i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
