She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
