I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
What did we do last night that was yellow?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm too high and old for this...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
