Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
