Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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