It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
