Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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