Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
