he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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