theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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