What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
