Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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