you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
