Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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