to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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