I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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