I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Mom said you looked used
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
