youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
