seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
