Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
