Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
