There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
