On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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