Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
