Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
