on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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