why do cheetos always look like penises
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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