Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
