THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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