She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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