problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
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