Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
