Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
How external is "for external use only"?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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