to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
did i just pee glitter
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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