It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
