Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
