I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
