I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
