Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
