i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She needs sedatives and a leash
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
