Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
barbara walters just said penis...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
