somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
