My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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