Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
