my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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