You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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