dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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