Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just found puke in my bra..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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