I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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