you guys were way drunker than both of me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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